If I had Shoe Laces

So today I spent the day watching my friends kids so that she and my wife could go on a picture hunting trip.  OMG her kids drove me crazy...The youngest sounded like a heard of elephants running through my house.  The boy was pretty good just hanging out playing Plants vs Zombies well until he discovered the wagon in my back yard and oh...there is a cemented ramp at the front of my house.  So of course I look out my front window and see him go flying across the street in the little old red wagon...Good thing he didn't discover the gallon of gasoline in my storage shed, or it would have looked like the Great Fire of Chicago in Norfolk today.  At one point I heard a OH MY FUCKING GOD come out of the 6 year old's mouth wtf if my child said that I would beat her ass and shove a smelly sock in her mouth.  The eldest child kept asking if she could braid my hair...hell fuck no!!! Oh and she asked if my child had a pencil skirt and of course i was like What the Hell is that?  She pulled out this little mini skirt and my daughter and I looked at it and said hell no, nope, never going to wear one of those.  Why a 13 year thinks its cool to dress like a hootch is beyond me.  Not sure who to slap..the 13 year old or her momma...And to make things worse...for those of you who don't know I don't have a bedroom door and there isn't one on my bathroom either...So as I am trying to play king the damn kids are running up and down the stairs next to my bathroom....plus yelling for me to come down stairs...I finally blew up at the boy and was like "dude I am trying to drop a few turds off can you leave me alone a few minutes."  So by around diner time i was ready to hang myself with my own shoe laces...good thing i am wearing my crocs....  So throughout the day i have been cursing my wife wishing they all get sun burnt and lo and behold they came home all red...unfortunately this will delay any physical activity for the next few days... As they say be careful what you wish for.